Same Old Thing
I met a friend months ago. We haven’t met in not-for-such-a-long-time, but we also don’t meet that often. Just like usual, we exchanged a small talk at first. She said "Oh, you still use that bag!", not in an offensive way, rather she was amazed by how long-lasting my totebag is. For that, I answered jokingly, "Hell yeah! There is actually nothing new about me, see?", as I turned myself around showing myself off to her.
Days, months, year have passed, and now suddenly I remember what I’ve said to her that day. Nothing new about me. Yes. I’m the type of person who always treasure what i have. I always take care of my belonging nicely.
I still have a note book from when I was in elementary school. I still wear the same totebag I wore from middle school. The same shoes, pants, and clothes from high school, the same phone from college, and the same laziness, clumsiness, awkwardness, and bad old personality.
Sometimes when I’m bored, I read my old journal and diaries. I’ll laugh at my childishness and also be surprised by how, at some point, I still act and think the same way as I was back then. Yeah, that was me and still me.
I don't change, do I? Am I just going nowhere?
My friends I know, they already have a new life with their spouse and children, new goals with their partner or fiancé, new dreams with their current job, they’ve probably almost or already reached their finish line, while I’m still here, too comfortable to get up, got stuck and lost probably. Too far to go back to the starting point, too tired and scared to continue. I don’t even know where the finish line is.
But…
I’m still the same old friend you met in middle school, the same old friend from high school and college, do I?
I'm still the same person who watched the same movie over and over. I still love eating noodles.
I'm still the youngest daughter of my dad and the youngest sibling of my sister. I'm still the mother of my cats who loves them so much.
Tell me, is being comfortable with my old self is a good thing or a bad thing? Is staying in my comfort zone is a good or a bad move?
I don’t change much, well, maybe a little. But, yes I’m trying. I walk a tiny step towards the change that awaits me, although slowly, and scarily. I don’t know what it’s like, and I don’t know which person I will become, but I’ll try.
I’ll try to change for myself, and I’ll try to be the same me for some parts of me who love the comfort, and maybe for some of you too who loves it.
I wish, I can find myself, and maybe I’ll see you with a better version of me, and with the same version of me that you missed. And with the same totebag i wore from middle school, with the same shoes and clothes from high school, the same phone from college, and the same clumsiness, awkwardness, and good old personality.
